My Life

It was for long that I have been alone searching for something that would change my life will fill my life with some kind of fun or excitement. The way life has been going for past few years it seems I am trapped my self in a maze where I am just wandering and is unable to find my way out. Past few years has made me so numb that I am just can see no more the opportunities that are lying in front of me. Being a Pisces I always try to be in the world of my dreams where I can be what I want and can do what I like but as soon as I step into the real world it’s just hard to believe that life is not that easy to live like my dreams. I don’t have a hunger for money or fame I just wanted a life that I can enjoy, a life whose every moment is something special which include fun, there may be times where I have to deal with stress but that’s ok that I can manage. The numbness is growing its making me so weak from inside so hollow from inside that I have stop reacting to the world out side. Sometimes I so stressed that I can’t smile when I look at someone can’t laugh to the joke that everybody is enjoying can’t feel the happiness. Acting like a zombie all I can think about is work, work and more work I want to change my career but that’s the craziest thing that I can do as I am so done with the work I’m doing. All you do is stress yourself for 8 hours a day, 48 hours a week, 192 hours a month and 2304 hours a year its just a average figure it can exceed this a I have not included the “extra” time we work. Sometime I feel I should visit a temple sit there for a while chant a few mantra’s and share a few thoughts with my lord but I can’t coz I have to work think of codes …..
Sometimes I want to go to the beach sit there watch the sunset and lay down in the sand and watch the night sky ,count the stars and feel free but I can’t do that to get to the beach I have to take a 2 hour trip….. Sometimes I feel like walking with someone special with his hand in my hand sharing warm thoughts and making future planning but I can’t coz I’m so busy in working that I don’ get time to socialize…… I’m really tired of the way my life is going I just want to do something more “EXCITING which I will enjoy doing” Can I find something like that oh lord please help me !!!!!!!